亲爱的安妮：坦白讲，我之所以向您求助，是因为我曾在网上寻找问题的答案，却被五花八门的回答搞晕了。事情是这样的：我在五月底刚刚从大学毕业，在此之前从来没有从事过“真正的”工作（只做过实习生）。但现在我所在的一家小公司，却突然让我负责一支八个人的团队。

    在技术方面，我一点也不担心——这家公司之所以聘用我，是因为我在大四的一项发明，并且获得了专利，现在公司正在将这项专利开发成新的产品，但管理职责却让我彻夜难眠。我从来没有接受过相关培训，不知道如何给人当老板，我觉得人们一眼就能看出来我是虚张声势。您有什么好建议吗？——A.H.

    亲爱的A.H.：毫不出奇网络搜索结果让你不堪重负。你可能已经知道了，在谷歌搜索“管理”，能找到749,000,0000条结果。而那些大部分都不是你所需要的。随着你在职场不断前进，你将会发现管理者们在工作中让人讨厌的行为有很多。而，诺埃尔•尼尔森表示，你目前最需要做的，就只有五件事。

    尼尔森是一名临床心理学家，她为电子书《如何让坏上司为你所用》（Got a Bad Boss? Work That Boss to Get What You Want at Work）进行了一些研究，然后给出了建议行为清单。尼尔森表示，在某种程度上，要成为一名好的上司，其实就是“观察糟糕的上司都做了什么，然后反其道而行。”她给出的开创强力开局的五条基本法则如下：

    提供帮助，并且在需要的时候接受帮助。尼尔森说：“糟糕的上司永远不会帮助他人，也不会寻求帮助。他总是太缺乏安全感。他不希望让别人认为自己不知道所有问题的答案，或者他担心，如果自己帮助他人取得成功，对方会把所有功劳

    她说，你自己当然要竭尽所能，但“如果有某件事情需要援手，要毫不犹豫地寻求帮助。此外，要乐于助人，不要有任何附加条件，也不要让对方感觉受恩于你。帮助他人会为你赢得尊敬，进而帮助你更上一层楼。”

    做出负面反馈时要在私下里进行。尼尔森发现：“糟糕的上司总是喜欢当众对某人大声吼叫。她或许认为这是在展示自己的权威，但事实上，公开批评下属是无能的表现。”员工评估，尤其是对不太优秀的员工进行的评估， 不应该“在众目睽睽下进行。”

    将批评当作学习的机会。由于糟糕的老板缺乏安全感，因此，他们不愿意听从别人的建议，从而更明智、更迅速或以更低成本完成工作。但这种“要么听我的，要么滚蛋”的态度，通常会阻碍下属提出问题和反馈其遇到的困难，等到局面无法控制时已经为时已晚。那时，你会焦头烂额，疲于应付。

    要避免发生这种情况。尼尔森表示：“不论你认为事情进行得多么顺利，肯定会有人告诉你事实并非如此。要认真听取他人的反馈，尽可能收集有用的信息，然后集中精力将工作做得更好。”

    Dear Annie:I’m turning to you and your readers because, frankly, I’ve been all over the Internet researching my question and now I’m totally overwhelmed. The thing is, I just graduated from college at the end of May and I’ve never even had a “real” job before (just internships). But I’m now working for a small company where they immediately put me in charge of a team of eight people.

    The technical side of it doesn’t worry me at all—I was hired because of something I invented and patented during my senior year, which we’re now developing into a new product line—but the management part is keeping me awake nights. I’ve had no training at all in how to be a boss, and I think people can tell I’m just sort of faking it. Do you have any suggestions? — Amateur Hour

    Dear A.H.:It’s no wonder the Internet has left you overwhelmed. Google “management” and, as you probably already know, you get 749,000,000 hits. Happily, that’s way more than you need. As you get further along in your career, you’ll no doubt discover the many and varied ways that managers can be terrible at their jobs but, for now, says Noelle Nelson, you really only need to do five things.

    Nelson, a clinical psychologist, bases her list on the research she did for her e-book, Got a Bad Boss? Work That Boss to Get What You Want at Work. To some extent, it’s a matter of “looking at what really bad bosses do, and then doing the opposite,” Nelson says. Her five basic ways to get off to a strong start:

    Offer to help, and accept help when you need it.“A bad boss will never help others, or ask for help. He’s too insecure,” Nelson notes. “He doesn’t want to appear as if he doesn’t have all the answers or he fears that, if he helps someone to succeed, that person will get all the credit.”

    Do your best on your own, of course, but “when you need a hand with something, don’t hesitate to ask,” she says. “At the same time, help others willingly and graciously, with no strings attached and without making people feel indebted to you as a result. This will earn you the respect you’ll need on your way up.”

    If you have to give negative feedback, do it inprivate.“A bad boss has no problem with yelling at someone in front of everyone,” Nelson observes. “She may think she’s showing her authority, but in fact, criticizing people publicly is a sign of an incompetent manager.” Employee evaluations, especially less-than-stellar ones, are “not a spectator sport.”

    Take criticism as an opportunity to learn.Because bad bosses are insecure, they aren’t open to suggestions about how to do things smarter, faster, or cheaper. But a “my way or the highway” attitude will usually discourage people from telling you about problems and setbacks, until it’s too late to fix them and you’re up to your elbows in alligators.

    Avoid that. “There will be times, no matter how well you think things are going, that someone will tell you they’re not,” notes Nelson. “Listen up, glean as much useful information as you can, and then put your entire focus on doing better.”

不要把个人生活带到工作当中。尼尔森说道：“糟糕的老板，通常会将私人生活中的太多细节带入到职场。但办公室不是用于集体治疗的场所。设定界限非常重要，这样所有人才能尽职尽责，把全部精力投入到手头的任务上。”

    她补充道，如果团队中有人为个人问题所困扰，“你需要制定一项开放政策，让下属感觉他们可以与你交流自己的个人问题，此外，你要表现出同情。但你的职责应该是为团队成员推荐专业帮助，而不是亲自介入对方的问题。一旦你成为所有人的好友闺蜜，你作为上司的权威便会大打折扣。”

    永远不要散布流言蜚语。尼尔森表示：“对于有利于自己的流言蜚语，糟糕的上司在传播的时候从来不会三思。但谣言不仅是消极有害的，也会浪费你自己及公司的时间与精力，对于实现自己的目标也是毫无用处。”

    还有一点或许会对你有帮助：你提到，你认为团队成员能看出你是在“虚张声势”。这不见得是坏事。桑德勒培训公司（Sandler Training）对1,010名员工进行的最新调查显示，有80%的员工同意下面这种说法：“我们公司期望在没有正式培训的情况下，公司管理层仍然知道如何进行领导和管理。”桑德勒培训公司主要为中小型公司（与你所在的公司一样）提供培训服务。

    换言之，把一个人突然放到管理岗位上这种“不游则沉”的方式，是一种常见做法，而不是例外情况，而且很明显，大多数人都清楚这一点。此外，有超过70%的受访者表示，他们“喜欢”或“爱戴”他们的上司，这表明，不论是否已经做好准备，你都有可能成为一位好上司。祝你好运。

    反馈：要成为一位好上司，你认为需要具备哪些品质？你希望自己的上司会做（或不会做）哪些事情？欢迎评论。（财富中文网）

    翻译：刘进龙/汪皓

    Leave your personal life at home.“A bad boss will often inject way too many details of his or her private life into the workplace. But the office isn’t the place for group therapy,” Nelson says. “It’s important to set boundaries, so that everyone’s attention is where it belongs—on the task at hand.”

    If someone on your team is distracted by a personal problem, “you need to have an open-door policy, where people feel they can talk to you, and to be compassionate,” she adds. “But your role should be to refer team members to professional help, and not to get personally involved. If you become everyone’s buddy and confidant, your authority as the boss is undermined.”

    Don’t gossip. Ever.“Bad bosses never think twice about spreading rumors, especially nasty ones, if that’s advantageous to them,” Nelson observes. “But gossip is not only hurtful and destructive, it’s a waste of your time and energy—and the company’s—and does nothing to accomplish your goals.”

    One more thought that might help: You mention that you think your team members can tell you’re “kind of faking it.” That’s not necessarily bad. A new survey of 1,010 employees by Sandler Training, whose coaches work mainly with small-to-medium-sized companies (like yours), says 80% agreed with the following statement: “My company expects managers to know how to lead and manage without providing them any formal training.”

    In other words, a sink-or-swim approach to putting people in charge is more the norm than the exception, and most people apparently know that. Even so, over 70% of those surveyed said they “like” or “love” their boss, which suggests that, ready or not, it’s possible to be pretty good at this. Good luck.

    Talkback:What do you think it takes to be a great boss? Is there anything you wish your boss would do (or not do)? Leave a comment below.